Shhhhhhhh, my experience at a silent retreat

Many people have asked me about my experience during my recent silent retreat. I returned to Lake Shrine-Self Realization Fellowship in Pacific Palisades for my second go at three days of silence, no alcohol, vegetarian food and long bouts of meditation.

I started going to Lake Shrine way back in 1993. It became one of my favorite places to go and spend some quiet time. The gardens are amazing, the lake is beautiful, complete with ducks, turtles and swans and there are many little nooks where you can meditate amongst the flowers.

I started looking at the end of 2015 for a retreat where I could just go and commune with spirit and nature. I stumbled upon the retreat at Lake Shrine and immediately signed up. I don't think I knew it was silent at first and when I realized it a little wave of terror went over me. Could I really not speak for three days?

Windmill meditation space

In reality that was the easy part. No one is speaking so it's not like you're going about your regular day, in your regular life, with your regular friends and your regular job unable to speak. The only people who speak are the monks who are guiding you through prayers and meditations. 

The first awkward moment was mealtime when, normally you would be speaking to the people around you. On my second visit just a few days ago I looked around at the other attendees. I could tell who the first timers were by the look of terror in their eyes at what had they got themselves into. I wondered if I looked that scared my first time. It's interesting how people change their behavior when at a silent retreat. Everybody walks very slowly with their eyes cast downward. The awkward mealtime becomes placing things very gently on the table as if trying not to make any noise at all. It actually struck me as funny how exaggerated people's movement had gotten and I'm sure I looked like that my first time too.

I found on this second visit I was able to sit for longer and longer periods of meditation and got deeper and deeper in my practice. I had some amazing insight and beautiful messages, some to be shared with others and some privately for myself. The strangest thing about the silent meditation is you spend three days with about 10 or 12 other people. And everyone is anonymous. No one has an identity. You don't know who they are, what they do, what they believe and where they work. In a society that is so tied to our identities it struck me so strongly this time that I didn't know who these people were. At the end of the retreat when the monk dismisses us many people gather in the courtyard to introduce themselves where we get to hear them speak for the first time. 

Outdoor temple area with swan

I was surprised at how many foreign accents I heard, learning that a few of the attendees were from the UK and Mexico. It was exciting to get to meet these people and just get a glimpse into their lives. My husband to make this time from ashram to real life world, especially with all that's going on politically and globally. But I'm trying to find ways to carry that piece of peace with me throughout my days to spread to others. Maybe a three-day silent meditation retreat at an ashram isn't for you, but try a silent meal or a few silent moments. You'd be amazed at what you hear. 





Some people find that scary, they don't want to know what's inside. But whether you acknowledge it or not it is there and will bubble to the surface one way or another. Self realization, self exploration and self actualization is what's going to propel us forward as a society. Kindness, love and peace need to permeate what is going on in this world. Now is the time to shine your light outward not to be shy about what you believe. 

Buddha on the hillside

Light your torch and let others see the glow of your spirit. 

England Journey Part II. Off to Glastonbury

When I left off with the last post about the four hedges of England, I was off to Glastonbury.

I waited my entire life to see this amazing place and I took off in my rented Audi for the 22-mile journey. I was relaxed, ecstatic and expectant to see the amazing things in Glastonbury. I was driving on very narrow roads, listening to the radio, getting ready to watch the sunset, planning my hike up to the Tor when around the corner came a very large truck. It ran me off the road and my car slammed into the low wall that was on the side of the road. The car wouldn't move. I had not only blown the tire but bent the rim.

Bed and Breakfast in Glastonbury

I had a moment of freaking out and I was pissed. "How could this happen to me? I'm on vacation, this is my dream. This is so unfair!!!!" Luckily I was smart enough to get a global cell phone and called England's version of AAA. They said it could be up to 40 minutes. Again I had a meltdown."I can't believe this is happening to me! Life sucks, this is the worst thing ever!" I had been instructed to tell the woman at the bed-and-breakfast my exact arrival time so she could be ready for me. I hunted down her phone number in my stack of things and called to let her know I would be late. But what I actually wanted to do was complain. This is so unfair! I called her and told her I had been run off the road and I had a flat tire. She asked if I was safe? I said, "What!? What do you mean?" She asked if I was safe. "Um, yeah, I guess, but this is awful, now I'm going to be behind schedule and I wanted to be there on time so I could hike the Tor...." And I went on for a few minutes more. Then she said something I never could have expected. "Are you looking at something pretty?" WHAT? What does that even mean? I said, "I don't know, I haven't even looked around." She said, "So, you sit, you wait, you look at something pretty, you'll get here when you get here." And with that, the call was over.

Ooops! 

I was furious. Well, isn't she just all mind/body zen balanced crap. (This was years before my current career) But I did realize she was right. I had no other choice but to sit and wait. And while I did that, I might as well look at something pretty. So I did. I turned and looked behind me and through the sparse trees was a golden field, with hills in the background. Little tuffs of plants dotted the landscape. I concentrated on the light hitting the hills as the sun started to set. I listened to the birds, birds that I couldn't identify because they are unique to the English Countryside. I breathed deeply to see what I could smell. And eventually the mechanic came, informed me that the rim was bent and I would have to go to a repair shop before I drove too much farther. He put on the little donut spare and I headed to my bed and breakfast, calmly. And you know what? I got there. When I got there and not a moment sooner or later.

The famed Tor in Glastonbury, thought to be ancient Avalon

I love this story because it illustrates that we have control over where we put our focus. I could either sit there and be miserable or I could, like she said, look at something pretty. And I spent 3 days sitting on the Tor, enjoying the town, walking their labyrinth and exploring the ruins of the abbey.

Glastonbury Abbey

I visited Chalice Well and allowed the cool water to cleanse my stress away even more. Then I spent several actually awesome hours in a repair shop joking with the mechanics. It was one of the highlights. And for a trip that was meant to be a spiritual journey, it's purpose was fulfilled. Not from just the environment, but from the wise words of my inn keep.

Chalice Well

Enjoy your journey, wherever it will lead and if you find yourself stressed, just look at something pretty.

View from the Tor, overlooking Glastonbury

Magic, Mystery and Majesty; The Four Henges in England

We have certain dreams as a child. One of mine was to visit Stonehenge. And when the opportunity arose in 2009, I jumped at the chance. My husband was going to be in Germany and though I couldn't go with him, I took the time to go to England. It was a bit intimidating trying to plan my first trip overseas, and by myself for that matter. I realized that the set tours weren't going to fit my lofty dreams so I decided to rent a car, another intimidating concept of driving on the "wrong side of the road" and frankly, the wrong side of the car. I planned my journey of 2 days in London and then off into the countryside.

Kathy at Stonehenge

My first stop was Stonehenge. I had no clue you could see it from the side of the freeway and I turned a bend and saw it loom off next to me. I burst into tears. A dream had been realized. I parked the car and practically ran to see it. It is roped off so you couldn't get too close to it, but just to be there. I was in awe. I pondered how it was built, what was the purpose and the millions and millions of people throughout history that have walked amongst those stones. I was transferred to another time. Frankly, I was so in awe I barely remember being there, but the proof is in the pictures and how ecstatic I look.

Kathy at Woodhenge, just a few miles up the road

In my research on Stonehenge I learned that just a few miles down the road was Woodhenge. What?! Who heard of that? I had to see it. I bought a packaged sandwich in the store at Stonehenge (I'm sure made by real Druids) and set off to see Woodhenge. It was just a few miles away and no one was there. I'm sure one reason was very few people even knew it existed, but it also wasn't as dynamic as its famed sister Stonehenge. I sat in the middle of the wood pylons wondering what in the world its purpose could have been. Another sacred site, a theatre, a map, something astrological? I had no clue, but it's well worth a visit.

My next stop was Avebury where another henge stood and there were 2 routes I could take, one from the maps I printed off line and the other was what my GPS said. The map won and as I rounded a corner I caught a glimpse of the horse on the hill. I had read about it but I had no idea that I would get to see it. I drove by once again pondering it's purpose and who put it there. But on to the next adventure.

Horse on the hill

Part of the henge in Avebury

As I drove through the small town of Avebury I noticed large stones off the side of the road. I realized that it was basically an alley of stones. At the end was a small parking lot and I parked and started to walk through this path of giants. They were gorgeous and you could touch them, lean against them, feel the power that they embraced. I hugged one, because, why not? After a great walk through the stones I came to the henge itself. It was HUGE. It took up the whole town and there was a great church and cemetery right next to it. If you go don't forget to check out Silbury Hill. I spent quite a bit of time there drinking in what it was like to be amongst such beauty and power. The people that lived there walked around the stones as I'm sure they do everyday. My awe and wonder kept in check by those that are used to being surrounded by such history. When you see it everyday do you still ponder it's majesty? 

Kathy enjoying the baths in Bath

My next stop was the town of Bath, I thought it would pale in comparison to the three henges I had just seen, but it was incredible. I wish I would have had more time to explore the whole town. I did a tour of the ancient Roman baths and spent time at the water fall in the center of town. And learned that my parallel parking skills did translate as I parked on the wrong side of the street from the wrong side of the car and did it in one try. Dad would be proud.

Henge at Stanton Drew

My final stop before Glastonbury was Stanton Drew. This was going to be a tough one as it wasn't on any maps. I found it very much by accident on a website that I could never find again. For some reason I remembered the name. I programmed Stanton Drew into my GPS and of course that took me to the center of town. It was a very small town. I looked frantically for anything that might look like a henge. And then I thought about ancient societies. I bet it was by the church. I saw what looked like a stone on the side of the road and tore into the parking lot to find I arrived quite unexpectedly in someone's driveway. They looked less than happy to see me. I backed out and continued my trek. I finally found a very small parking lot with a very small sign that said 'henge'. I followed the path and realized I was basically in someone's yard. There was a small gate with a little money box that asked for a donation. I plunked a pound into the metal box and walked through the gate. I was met with dozens of cows and sheep as I crossed the long meadow and there in the middle of the creatures was a gorgeous henge. I was awestruck. It was amazing. I didn't have tons of time but found enough to plop dead center and meditate. I was the only one there and found myself practically transported to an ancient time. All of a sudden I heard a sound, melodious and haunting. I thought for a second it was the cows and sheep singing and then I realized it was human. I continued my meditation as the song rose to a peak and then subsided into silence. I finished my meditation and turned to see about 4 women who had been vocalizing behind a rock. We hadn't seen each other before I sat down with my back to where they were. It was magical and perfect. I wanted to stay, to continue to enjoy the magic of this sacred place. But the sun was setting and it was off to Glastonbury...Ancient Avalon.

Stay tuned for part two, coming soon.

Who me meditate?

So...I'm a bit Type A. I'm driven, a Capricorn, competitive, an only child daughter of a dad that wanted a son. Therefore, if you tell me to meditate, it just isn't going to work. I do hip hop and flying trapeze to relax, so to have me sit on a pillow and quiet my mind and still my body, I stilly and quietly lose my mind. I find it stressful. My to do list runs through my head, everything suddenly cramps, my hair tickles my face and there is that itch...that itch that must be addressed. Every sound is magnified and I want to run around the room.

When I found myself studying stress at Harvard at the Benson Henry Institute for Mind/Body Medicine and they said we were going to meditate, I thought, "Oh crap!" We were going to learn the rules of meditation and I got ready. I mean, you have to sit a certain way on a pillow, and stick your tongue to the roof of your mouth, you hold your hands a certain way, breath from your stomach, roll your eyes up into your head and then you float away into a million bubbles, right? I thought so. I was wrong.
Their kind of meditation had just 2 rules.

TWO RULES?! That I might actually be able to do.
1. Concentrate on something repetitive.
2. If thoughts intrude (and they probably will), dismiss them without judgement.

WHAT? Just 2 rules. It can't be that simple. But it was. And it was called a mini meditation. The instructor asked who in the room meditated and me being in the front row (of course I was), I turned to look at the few hundred people behind me and a fair amount of hands were raised. She asked who thought they couldn't meditate and she looked directly at me. Stared actually, it was quite disturbing. It was as if I had a scarlet (type) A embroidered on my proudly worn Harvard t-shirt. I tentatively raised my hand and she nodded as if Buddha himself had told her who I was.

She explained to us those 2 rules I mentioned earlier and had us close our eyes. We concentrated on our breath, the rise and fall of our chest. And on the inhale were to think, "I am." and repeat with every inhale. And on the exhale, "at peace." and repeat that. So, "I am...at peace." And breathe in and out. We did this for about 5 minutes and when she told us to return to the room, I smiled and shook my head no. I finally opened my eyes and she was looking at me, so proud. A meditation convert. I have used the minis ever since.

I've taught them to millions, whether in person, on the radio or in articles I've participated in. (click here for guided instruction) And if I can do it...seriously folks, you can too. Minis stop the stress response that is so detrimental to our health. Bring us back to the present moment, slow our heart and respiratory rate, lower our blood pressure, ready our brains for higher functioning, help digestion and boosts the immune system. I can think of nothing simpler to improve our health.
Give them a shot. I realized though there is certainly a traditional way to meditate, there is no wrong way if it works for you.

And I say good night from my little round pillow. Namaste!

Corporate Health Tips Vol. 1

It's often hard enough to deal with stress in our own lives without taking it to the office with us. Here are a few tips to de-stress on the job. First off remember to stretch. You should get up and move around at least every 50 minutes. Take a walk around the office, go up and down the stairs, walk around the outside of the building. Do things to take care of yourself in that moment. Here are a few of my favorite stretches.

Do this frequently to help those hardworking computer arms. 

And then flip your hand over and do it the other way. Hold for 30 seconds on each arm with each stretch. 

As well as taking time to move about and stretch, make sure you're getting enough water. Often times that afternoon slump has nothing to do with needing more coffee or another doughnut. It has to do with drinking some water, taking some deep breaths and having a small amount of protein. Remember that starting your day with just carbohydrates and caffeine is not going to fuel you for the rest of the day. You need to start out with a good wholesome breakfast of protein, fats and carbohydrates. And I'm not sure who decided the breakfast had to be a breakfast food. Often times I will have leftover meal from last night such as a pork chop or a piece of fish. One of my favorite breakfasts is mixed greens with a drizzle of olive oil with a crab cake, with an egg on top. Fabulous and sustaining.

Another thing to help you get through your day is to remember to do your meditation. I'm not talking about the sit on a pillow meditation though if you enjoy doing that please do it. I'm talking about those mini meditations that I've been teaching to millions. Concentrate on your breath. The rise and fall of your chest. On the inhale think "I am" and on the exhale think "at peace". And repeat as many times as you can. This brings you back to the present moment, shuts out those negative thoughts and allows you to focus more clearly. It boosts our memory and cognitive function. Studies show people who are less stressed at work are more productive, make more sales, communicate better and have less absenteeism. Who wouldn't want all that? And if you can get it from that simple meditation why not?

My last tip simply has to do with where you place your focus. We have a choice of where we put our attention with every given moment. I have had so many people in my office complain about their jobs, their bosses or their coworkers. You probably can’t just quit so I say focus on something positive. Maybe it's the view from your window, maybe it's the coworker who you really like to joke with, maybe it's simply the paycheck or the health insurance. Showing up someplace every day and focusing on the negative is not going to help the situation. You will find yourself resentful, missing work more, and getting sick more frequently. Find something positive to focus on and see how your day changes. And since that will make you nicer maybe you will be treated differently as well. I hope these tips help, look for more office tips in the near future. And look for my upcoming corporate health programs and how I can come to your company to help you be healthier.  

Why suffer twice?

     

     2014, though soon coming to an end, was deemed the year of mindfulness. Mindfulness is simply going about a task or activity with total focus presence and curiosity. You can do any activity mindfully. For example if you're going to do the dishes, truly feel how the water feels on your hands, what does the lemony soap smell like, how does the light hit the bubbles causing little rainbows, then one floats away and pops with the little spray water. Suddenly, you find that you have a kitchen full of clean dishes and you basically meditated the whole time. Thich Nhat Hanh says you can either do the dishes to have clean dishes or you can do the dishes to simply do the dishes. The physical outcome is the same but the emotional ramifications are completely different. Being mindful is simply staying in the present moment. Because really that is all we have.

     We cannot change the past no matter how often we dwell on it and we cannot control the future no matter how frequently we want to worry about it. I had a client whose husband had been diagnosed with cancer. He had gone through the cancer treatment and was deemed healthy. But there was concern that the cancer had come back. She worried about whether or not the diagnosis was going to be positive and if so how could she live without him. I reminded her that he was there with her now alive and well. Why should she suffer twice?

     That is an important lesson and I have seen many people including myself to this. We hold the cat close and cry worried that it could die someday. We limit what we're going to do in fear of the future. We miss out on opportunities with those around us because we worry they might be gone someday. All we have is the present and I encourage you to live it to its fullest. Dwelling in the past simply manifests a new stress response. Worrying about the future pulls you out of the joy of the moment. Why suffer twice?